Jean Parisien

Holly Papas

Eng 101

05/06/2012

Should divorce be the way out of the spousal conflicts?

In a letter to Burwell Bassett, dated 23 May 1785, George Washington wrote: “I have always considered marriage as the most interesting event of one's life, the foundation of happiness or misery”(“Marriage Quotes”). Hence, we wonder if a married couple should be anytime able to run away from this eventual marriage-related misery and consequently break this well-known marriage vow:  “I,__, take you,__,to be my wedded (husband/wife), for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part: according to God’s holy ordinance, and thereto I pledge you my love and faithfulness”. Is happiness a merely idyllic and far-fetched concept? From this perspective, let us contrast the opinions that are favorable to divorce as the solution to strife between the couples with those that are opposed to the latter.

Nowadays, it seems that people have a one-sided focus on marriage and their feelings appear to be as fickle as food cravings during pregnancy. In fact, it is an approach that appeals to the excitement of the senses and limits itself to the appraisal of external beauty as exposed in the media. Kathleen O’Connell Corcoran in her article Psychological and Emotional Aspect of Divorce, she wrote: “The divorce rate in the United State is the highest in the world. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce .Sixty-Seven percent of all second marriages end in divorce”. It boils down to the following: if it doesn’t work, it wasn’t meant to be. This means that the people of our time reckon that they are entitled to live out this pleasure that marriage brings into our hearts in any way they think best. As far as most of them are concerned, it is just another inviolable human right, which is based upon the much-vaunted freedom of expression. In other words, people are convinced that the media-induced values such as cult of beauty, fleeting pleasures and others may be incorporated into marriage with no serious consequences. Their focus is solely placed upon fun, joy, comfort, luxury and so on, with no consideration to sickness, difficulties that are also part of our daily life and the marriage vow as well. On the basis of this scenario, the quest for compatible personalities is the least of their concerns.

Other people go to great lengths to state that that marriage goes contrary to our human nature. Nicole smith said: “Divorce can also depend on the extent of the problem. If a couple is experiencing some difficulties when they are together because of their differences, it is not a very good reason to file for a divorce”. In a kind of attempt at honesty, a large group alleges that no matter how hard we try, we end up falling victims to our weaknesses and character defects. Therefore, lies, hypocrisy, self-indulgence, the instinct to dominate others and greed to name a few, prevail over that need to love and be loved we felt once. In this context, people appear to know the end from the very beginning but are unable to do anything to overcome the possible barriers to a well-balanced marriage with no prospect of divorce. This group of people acknowledges that it is something that is beyond our power. The whole issue comes down to something like this: marriage comes and goes and we move on with our lives. It is just one of the rituals of our modern society. It is a giant that will defeat us sooner or later.

On the other hand, Vernon K. Mclellan says that “Marriage has some thorns, but celibacy has no roses” (“Marriage Quotes”). In this regard, she kind of admits that life is made of obstacles and strife but as social beings we are well comforted and we grow both personally and professionally within a healthy relationship. Moreover, Betty said: “Marriage is the agreement to let a family happen”. We may go further to say that marriage is the agreement which allows us to perpetuate society as we know it today. Family: It is the smallest part of the society. Then, just as in the society, challenges that we should take up with tact, arise inside the family. We do not get rid of the concept Society in spite of the moral decay and the shift away from good. Likewise, we should not try and get rid of marriage in the face of the first problems whose origins come from inside of us. After all, marriage has brought us more personal satisfaction, pure joy and mental balance than society has. On his part, Billy Graham has claimed that “Nothing can bring a real sense of security into the home except true love” within the bounds of marriage, we would add in this context.

Additionally, as stated in the Canon 1057.2, “Matrimonial consent is an act of will by which a man and a woman by an irrevocable covenant mutually give and accept one another for the purpose of establishing a marriage”. It is an irrevocable covenant signed by two people who, in turn, are committed to honoring the marriage vow they took up to their last sigh. Any voluntary disregard of any clause in this contract constitutes an irresponsible act on the part of -at least- one of the spouses. Here comes the point about the binding nature of marriage, which is set out in both the canon law and the Holy Scriptures and which people are aware of before and during the wedding. The comforting thing is that God knows everything. He realizes that since marriages involve two sinful (imperfect) human beings, divorces are likely to occur. In the Old Testament, He laid down some laws in order to protect the rights of divorcees, especially women (King James Version, Deuteronomy 24:1-4). However, Jesus pointed out that these “laws were given because of the hardness of people’s hearts, not because they were God’s desire (King James Version, Matthew 19:8)”. In the book of Malachi 2:16, the Lord, God of Israel says: “I hate divorce.” According to the Bible, marriage is a lifetime commitment. Matthew 19:6 reinforces the indissolubility of marriage in those terms:  “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate”.

In conclusion, divorce must be the last resort and not the first one. It should be addressed when we have failed to challenge ourselves to become a better person in every sense of the word. Sometimes lost in the debate over the exception clause is the fact that whatever “marital unfaithfulness” means, it is an allowance for divorce, not a requirement for it. Even when adultery is committed, a couple can, through God’s grace, learn to forgive and begin rebuilding their marriage. God has forgiven us of so much more.  We need to make internal changes happen on the inside through the workings of Holy Spirit so that we can overcome what constitutes the veritable barriers to our happiness in wedlock. This way, there will be no room for self, false pride, greed, lack of compassion and so on. Those are the main elements that prevent us from understanding and accepting God’s precious view on marriage. Only God’s Spirit can do this work within us and subject our selfish, immature and reckless motivations and character defects to God’s will, which consists of plans for peace, happiness and prosperity for each of us.

Works Cited

Corcoran ,Kathleen O'Connell. “Psychological and Emotional Aspects of

Divorce”.Mediate.com. June 1997.Web 6 May 2012.

 

Graham, Billy. "Billy Graham Quotes." brainy quotes. N.p., 2001 - 2012. Web. 7 May 2012.

. "Matrimonial consent - in the eyes of the law." coursework info. N.p., n.d. Web. 6 May 2012.

smith, nicole. "Divorce Is Not Always The Solution 71." hubpages. N.p., n. d. Web. 6 May. 2012.

The Holy Bible: King James Version. New York: Cambridge University Press, 1995. Print.

"MARRIAGE QUOTES." Notable Quotes. N.p., n.d. Web. 6 May 2012 .